The 34 Symptoms of Perimenopause (Yes, You Read That Right)

Okay sister, lets sit down for this one. You know how everyone talks about menopause like it's just hot flashes and maybe some mood swings? Yeah, LIES. There are actually 34—THIRTY-FOUR—recognized symptoms of perimenopause.

I'll give you a minute to process that.

When I first learned this, I literally went through the list checking off symptoms I'd been experiencing for YEARS, convinced I had seventeen different medical conditions. Turns out? Nope. Just perimenopause, doing its chaotic thing across every system in my body.

Let's break down this nightmare checklist, shall we?

The "Greatest Hits" (The Ones Everyone Knows)

Hot flashes and night sweats – The classics. Your personal internal thermostat is broken, and everyone gets a front-row seat to your spontaneous combustion.

Irregular periods – Your cycle becomes as predictable as a toddler's mood. Heavy, light, long, short, present, absent—it's a choose-your-own-adventure nobody asked for.

Mood swings and irritability – One minute you're fine, the next you're rage-crying over a sock that won't cooperate. It's like PMS on steroids.

Brain fog and memory lapses – Walking into rooms and forgetting why. Losing words mid-sentence. Forgetting your colleague's name despite working together for five years.

The "Wait, That's Perimenopause Too?" Category

Anxiety and depression – Suddenly feeling anxious about everything or sinking into sadness for no clear reason. Your hormones are messing with your neurotransmitters.

Sleep disturbances – Can't fall asleep, can't stay asleep, or sleeping all night but waking up exhausted. Pick your poison.

Low libido and vaginal dryness – Your sex drive went on vacation without you, and everything down there feels like the Sahara Desert.

Weight gain – Especially around your middle. Your metabolism slowed down and forgot to send you a memo.

Fatigue – Bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. You're tired of being tired.

The "You've Got to Be Kidding Me" Symptoms

Joint pain and muscle tension – Waking up feeling like you wrestled a bear in your sleep. Everything aches.

Headaches – More frequent, more intense, or just different than before.

Breast tenderness – Like PMS but it shows up whenever it wants.

Electric shock sensations – Yes, really. Random zaps of feeling like you touched a live wire.

Digestive issues and bloating – Your gut decides to join the rebellion. Gas, bloating, and general digestive chaos.

Tingling extremities – Random pins and needles in your hands and feet.

The "Seriously Though?" List Continues

Hair loss or thinning – On your head, where you want it. Meanwhile, hair appears in new and unwelcome places.

Brittle nails – They break if you look at them wrong.

Changes in body odor – Your usual deodorant suddenly quits working.

Gum problems and burning mouth syndrome – Your mouth feels weird, your gums are sensitive, or you have a constant burning sensation.

Allergies – New ones, or existing ones getting worse.

Irregular heartbeat – Random palpitations that make you think you're having a heart attack. (Always get this checked out, though!)

Dizziness – The room spins for no reason.

Itchy, crawling skin – Feels like bugs are crawling on you. There are no bugs.

Osteoporosis risk – Your bone density decreases. Less visible but seriously important.

Difficulty concentrating – Your focus is gone. ADHD-like symptoms appear out of nowhere.

The Rest of the Nightmare

Rounding out our list: increased facial hair, loss of muscle tone, incontinence (sneezing becomes a gamble), loss of breast fullness, difficulty with word retrieval, panic attacks, and general feeling of doom.

I wish I was making this up. I'm not.

Now What?

If you're reading this and checking off symptoms like it's a horrible bingo game, first: you're not alone. Second: you're not crazy. Third: you don't have to just "deal with it."

The reason there are SO many symptoms is because estrogen and progesterone affect virtually every system in your body—cardiovascular, neurological, musculoskeletal, digestive, reproductive, you name it. When these hormones fluctuate wildly during perimenopause, everything can get thrown off.

But here's the good news: knowing what you're dealing with means you can address it strategically. Lifestyle changes, medical interventions, stress management, and personalized support can make a HUGE difference.

At Priceless Coaching, we help women navigate this overwhelming symptom list with practical strategies tailored to YOUR specific experience—because you're not going to have all 34 symptoms, and cookie-cutter advice doesn't work. Visit www.pricelesscoaching.org for support that acknowledges how complex this transition actually is.

Because "it's just menopause" is officially the most ridiculous understatement of all time.